Article on Texas Masturbation Bill a “Satire”.

So many have asked to see this SATIRICAL piece which I pulled because it was “satire” and totally not true.  I am reposting it here to give you a laugh (we all know that this is not something that the Republican men in the Texas legislature would ever let pass):

Texas legislature fails on abortion, passes masturbation bill

Politics June 26, 2013 Comments: 96

Texas legislators successfully pass pro-life bill.

Texas legislators successfully pass pro-life bill.

Coming down to the final minute as Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhearst forced Sen. Wendy Davis to end her filibuster, the legislature was unable to pass a widely decried abortion bill. The legislature was able to accomplish another aspect of their pro-life agenda though, a ban on male masturbation.

One Texas lawmaker joyously announced after the passing of the measure, “this marks a milestone for the pro-life movement! We must protect the unborn any way we can; I’m very proud that my fellow legislators voted to protect life, even in its earliest stages!”

The new measure will go into effect on January 1, 2014 which will make many forms of male masturbation illegal. Exceptions include sperm donations, which now must only be performed at a designated hospital facility.

New rules will also require men to sign an agreement when obtaining prescription erectile dysfunction medication which indicates they will not use the medicine for any purposes other than sexual intercourse with a woman.

Amendments added to the bill also require a permit to obtain and possess male sexual toys which could be used to assist people in violating the new law.

Those found in violation of the new law could be sentenced up to two years in prison.

Many legislators who voted in favor of the bill also voted in favor of a bill debated just prior to speed up executions in the state. Legislators were hopeful they would be able to have time to pass another bill which would have nullified Obamacare, the federal legislation in which many are decrying as government getting in between people and their doctor and making healthcare decisions for people.

By: George M. Spooner
George may be contacted via email at

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One thought on “Article on Texas Masturbation Bill a “Satire”.

  1. Except, your republicans are nutters and they are probably more than capable of passing this. Texas is screwed and warped enough that I wouldn’t put this past them. More unbelievable things are already happening, like western countries such as Iceland planning to ban porn ALTOGETHER!

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